November 8th
I’ve been unsure how I’m going to write this blog post but I think the only way to do it is to be brutally honest. Hopefully no one is really reading it anyway 😉
We left Jacksonville and it was a surprise departure for me. We left as twilight was turning to dusk. The city was alight and lightning flashed ominously in the sky. In the ocean, the seas were confused and we began our sail south to West Palm Beach. Weather came on us the next morning with tropical type squall weather. We sailed around a beautifully black squall in the sun saturated blue and white sky of cumulous clouds. The sea was still rough however, and sadly I did become seasick. Around Cape Canaveral, the area where NASA launches the space ships, we motored with the sails down through a huge and unavoidable squall. The sky turned yellow, the wind was fluky, and suddenly the engine quit. The captain blames it on bad fuel we got in Wilmington. He was able to fix the problem and soon the wind was strong and we sailed the rest of the way down the coast of Florida through the night. The rough passage, beating to windward, left us all feeling weak the following day as we pulled into port.
Jellyfish invasion!!
Currently, we’re holed up at a dismal marina in the city of Riviera Beach, Florida and my heads been spinning through many different emotions. At times I have felt negative towards this trip. I try and always stay positive, so let me explain. The captain is a little crazy, and we’re in this tragic urban sprawl north of Miami for one week because he has an old girlfriend who I’ve been informed is not a good influence on him. According to , we could be here one week, we could be here longer, or could come home upset and let’s go we’re leaving in the middle of the night! I understand the situation I’ve put myself in here, I go where the boat goes. Obviously I’m taking a risk by joining on as voluntary crew with people I met on the internet, and it looks like they might want to spend a week in Miami next. I’m trying to do something difficult/stupid which is hitchhike on sailboats and get to Australia. I’m focused on that. This is my ride to the Caribbean. Still, I feel like I am experiencing a certain darkness around my crew here in the sunshine state, one I can’t quite explain.
The boat has gone into disrepair since our abrupt departure from Jacksonville, perhaps there were reasons for leaving so suddenly with the sink in 20 pieces that I never learned. But I should point out that I’ve been cooking with water from the bathroom sink and washing dishes on the ground by the dock hose. Or on deck while sailing with the boat heeled over, and watch out you don’t fall in… The kitchen is crowded to the point where the coffee pot goes flying off behind the stove, and I feel stupid for screwing up yet again.
I feel like Alice in Wonderland. As the boat is completely crowded out by every tool imaginable, and halfway in the middle of fixing the sink, the captain decides it is time to replace the fuel lines to the engine. First we must drain the gas tank, so picture a 40 gallon trash can full of diesel fuel sitting in the middle of the already crowded sailboat. There is diesel everywhere, the floor and our bodies are smeared with it, I have been truly working like a slave. I ran those new fuel lines through the nasty bilge and had a fun time doing it. Hey, it builds character, and I think I’m learning a bit about diesel mechanics… The captain says, “just make sure you don’t spill diesel all over my bed,” well I have to wonder why the auxiliary fuel tank is right next to his bed, and sure enough I forgot to put the cap on the filter/pump as we filtered the fuel and diesel poured all over his bed! Another chore, hose down the bedding! If only I could find a way to eloquently tell about all of the extraneous and insane extra chores these projects have entailed, but I can’t. Plus I’ve been screamed at. For acceptable reasons yes, but for a job which doesn’t pay, and doesn’t seem to be getting me where I want to go, I must say this is a lousy job! Today I was ready to say goodbye, pack my things, get on my bicycle and leave. And that is a very real possibility and could happen any time.
However! I keep flip flopping on what I want to do. I’ve enjoyed the mechanical chores just fine. Still in the morning I find I’ve been waking up depressed and ready to leave, but by evening I feel like I will stay. In the mornings, something in my moral compass doesn’t feel at ease here, and I begin to worry if these are the people I want to leave the country with. But after a day of hard and satisfying work I feel victorious for having succeeded, there’s a certain comradery I feel with Andrea and the captain. Should I go to Cuba with them? Well I would really like to have the opportunity to bike around Cuba, but it’s possible they will be there for two months (who knows), which may be longer than I care to stay. The main reason I’m beginning to feel unsure is because if I am in Cuba with no internet for an undefined period of time, I will have a difficult time getting away from this boat if/when I need to. I’m just going to focus on getting out of the Miami area first, and I don’t know how long I’ll be here. I also feel like the crew doesn’t want to go to Cuba for the same reasons I do… Still I might continue with them. I’ll make it at least to the Florida Keys with them before deciding and use my time here wisely.
Maybe it is unwise to put all these emotions into print, but it’s an adventure! Adventure isn’t always pretty. Adventure can be anything on a scale of 1-10, 10 being swimming in sheer ecstasy and joy, 1 being death, or anywhere in between. It can be awkward, it can be strange, it can be mundane. This particular adventure has taken me out of my comfort zone and so far kept me there. But it’s only been about three weeks. I love sailing, but I don’t want to end up in a Cuban prison due to their corruption. Currently happy to be living in this marina which has been paid for where I can take showers. To be honest, throughout the boat construction, and possibly lingering from the stormy passage, I’ve been on edge. Still my brain is like a sponge, I’m learning so much. I have faith that everything will work out good for me in the end, whatever happens here in Florida.
My heart is at ease
Knowing that what
Was meant for me
Will never miss me,
And what misses me
Was never Meant for me.
Iman Shafi
