Today I’m sitting stuck on a bus in the middle of the desert. The desert is so bleak and empty here, empty open and cold at the moment. It’s sandy and I don’t see a single plant. It’s a mirage, it’s an uncrossable wasteland. It’s hard to understand how we built roads here and even harder to believe we built cities here. How do you build so much on literally sand, and where does the water come from? I’ve always loved the desert, the drier the better, but even I have a hard time loving this place. It is beautiful though, it seems like most people around here don’t think so, but I wouldn’t deny the astonishing beauty of the raw planet. Still I don’t understand how we live in such a lifeless place, a place that hasn’t seen rain in 400 years in some areas.

The bus I’m riding is currently stuck behind a car accident, but the desert is so vast and monotonous it took me a minute to register- oh wait! We’re not moving… The sun is setting now but I don’t mind waiting here. I have a comfy seat and nowhere to be.

It’s been a bit of a journey to get here from San Pedro de Atacama…

 

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December 14

All night the full moon tracked overhead and the icy desert was lit like day. I had planned the evening before to get up very early and take a hike in the moonlight, because I was in the Valley of the Moon. The mountains here are made of salt, and many of them are frosted with white sediment. It makes them glow in the moonlight, it’s beautiful to see. But I slept in, I slept so peacefully in the cold. I woke up when the sun began to peak over the horizon, and continued to lay and watch the sunrise for a while.

I got up but wasn’t exactly sure what I wanted to do today. Climb a volcano was my plan, better get started then! Originally I wanted to climb Lilcancabur, but after to talking to someone in town yesterday I decided it was most likely impossible and I should tackle the much smaller volcano next to it instead. Cerro Tocco, I saw it on the horizon far away. I’d need more water first, I had drank almost all I had and still felt dehydrated. My fingers looked wrinkled and my cuticles cracked, living in the salt mountains was quickly sucking the life from me. I packed my bag and climbed down.

I made it to the road and walked towards town. The cute, rundown, desert oasis greeted me before long, and the fabulous desert spring weather had started. The temperature was absolutely perfect now, but the sun was shining with no clouds as always. The sun is destructive here and I know I’ve been seeing too much of it. I hid under my hat as best as possible, fearing the impending heat today.

San Pedro is very quaint, reminds me of Moab in Utah only much smaller and mostly just dirt roads. Lots of delicious looking, overpriced food I wouldn’t be buying, and all kinds of fantastic photos plastered on the many tour agencies. Tours I wouldn’t be taking. I don’t like tours, I’d rather do it myself, but I know the desert is so vast if I want to get anywhere I need a vehicle and don’t have one. I stared a little longingly at the colorful lakes and geysers in the photos, but I knew I’d have a perfectly good time wandering the desert and living my vagabond life. I’m trying to not spend money as best as possible.

So I drooled at the beautiful looking food and ice cream but stayed strong. I walked through the town buying nothing. I stumbled upon a garden hose and sat on the ground filtering my water. I had 8 liters, my pack was heavy again and I had all I needed. Now I’ll walk. I found the road, and the edge of town. I watched as the volcanoes got absolutely no closer as I walked towards them.

Soon I was on the highway and the weather had turned hot. The midday sun illuminates everything like a dream, the color washed away, and with no shadows the landscape looks almost white. I sat down in a patch of shade behind a street sign. From here I’d try to hitchhike out into the desert. I’d take the highway for about 15 miles, I could see almost the whole strip of road. It would climb the slopes to near the base of the volcano, and then over the pass to whatever mysteries lie on the other side. The Reserva de Los Flamencos (flamingoes) is over there, and then the Argentina border.

But as I waited there smiling at the traffic, no one picked me up. I wasn’t feeling very happy either. The middle of the day has a way of making me feel low, and I also felt like it might be too late in the day now to make it up the volcano. But still I couldn’t deny the weather was always gorgeous here. The heat in the day really wasn’t that hot, and the cold at night really wasn’t that cold. It was kind of always perfect. Ever changing as well, as was the mystical moonscape scenery in the changing light, so I couldn’t deny the place was exceptionally nice. I sat there feeling useless in the shade of my street sign to the nearly traffic-less road and felt the perfect breeze blowing across me.

Some bicyclists passed me and yelled “Suerte!” which means “luck” and they seem to yell that at hitchhikers around here. I decided to just get up and walk. All I really wanted was to walk. There was a distant road junction where everyone seemed to be going to, all the passerbys would point as they didn’t pick me up. A signal they were just going to that road junction and no further. I’d hike over there and try to hitch from that spot.

So I walked there but still no one picked me up. The only passerbys were workers going just a bit father to a work site. So I kept walking down the quiet, open road to the work site. There was an airport, and after passing that the highway really began. A street sign read 37 kilometers to the Bolivian border, or 257 kilometers to Paso de Jama which was the Argentina border. In front of me were the volcanoes, but still untouchably far away. Here I saw absolutely no traffic. None at all.

So I stopped and ate. I had already walked pretty far away from San Pedro. I got up and just kept walking. I was overall feeling confused and lost. Just wandering the open desert in the sun. I have nothing, is how I felt. I am nowhere, I have no purpose. I have no shade, not for a million miles of nothing. I just kept walking, and after an hour had passed, I still saw no cars going my direction. It’s flat here, it’s a void. I saw cars going the other direction and thought I should just give up and go back to town. And go where? There’s no point. I didn’t get a tour, so this is what I get. There’s no one to pick me up. I kept walking.

I saw a weird little reddish coyote creature and later I learned it was good luck. Then I found a tiny scrub of a mesquite tree after about three hours of walking towards nowhere. I sat under the shade of it but it provided absolutely no shade. I watched dust devils spin out across the plains. It was exasperatingly hot now but I seemed to be feeling happier. I changed my mind- I have everything. I have water, I have the earth to walk on. I have legs that work, I need and want nothing right now. Everything is fine, and I have everything, except I don’t have shade! And I’m cooking alive.

I met two people who had been biking around South America for 7 months and were curious how I got there so far from town and what I was doing. “I don’t know what I’m doing.” They told me I should rent a bike, I should have! Oh well. I had walked for 5 hours and seen about 5 cars headed to the desert but at this point I didn’t want to hitch anymore. I was afraid if I did get a ride I would get too far away to be able to walk back! No thanks, I guess I just wanted to hike today and that’s fine.

I had crossed the valley, it took me all day, and now the road was climbing up to the pass. Finally the scenery changed and the landscape was beautiful here. A valley of white rocks and stuff, even some bushes. Canyons here and there. The girl on the bicycle had said, “Maybe in those canyons ahead you can find a shadow.” I went and found one! I had to perch on the side of a bunch of rocks but thank god I was in the shade! I rested, ate and drank a ton of water. Then I went back to it.

6 hours of hiking brought me to 6PM and while I had picked a spot close to the top of the pass that I was trying desperately to reach, I was now sick of this nonsense. I said, “Fuck this!” I’m done. So I stopped. I found a place to camp, still no shade and still it’s hot but I had actually made it pretty high above the valley and had a gorgeous view. The volcanoes Lilcancabur and the little Tocco had actually gotten a lot closer! But I was angry and miserable because I had no shade, even though I had a small patch of it, and I curled up in my stupid shadow and slipped off into sleep. Hopefully I’d wake up when the Atacama summer had ended.

I woke up to the beautifully cool evening. The sun which had baked me to a crisp all day now had no power to it. I now became comfortable and cooked a great dinner of noodles and quinoa. I was happy again, and watched the massive scene of the infinite valley all around me. I didn’t climb the volcano, but I didn’t care in the slightest. My home was in my backpack and I was comfortable here. The sunset was another spectacular show over all the vastness. The night brought with it the cold, clear air.

 

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December 15^th…

Morning came in the most refreshing way. My mission today- hitchhike to the coast. I went to the long road I had walked for 6 hours the day before. I could barely still see San Pedro de Atacama, the bits of green civilization way out on the expanse with the long road leading to it. There was no way I could walk back, I’d need a ride. The previous day I had seen many cars headed towards San Pedro, and no cars headed into the desert. Wouldn’t you know this morning was the reverse. Plenty of cars headed into the desert, and no cars headed my way to San Pedro. Well… I started walking.

Soon I became angry. A car passed my way and the lady didn’t pick me up. I yelled profanities at her car as it disappeared into the distance. After about an hour the second car passed without picking me up. What’s the problem here! I’m clearly stranded out in the desert, it’s about a 5 minute car ride but a 5 hour walk. Damn this place. I decided I’ll have to force the next car I see to stop. So when I saw the third car in two hours I waved my arms and stepped into the road. That worked, he had no choice, and quickly I was back in San Pedro.

Okay, I had gotten myself agitated, let’s calm down now, tranquillllo… Let’s get out of here. I walked across San Pedro for the last time, still buying nothing! I went out to the highway to one little awning of shade in all the desert and waited there. Great, finally shade, I could wait here all day long.

There was another guy at this spot also trying to hitchhike. He had missed his ride to work in the nearby city of Calama and was running late. He didn’t mind me standing there too, and I got to practice my Spanish. Soon I had made a friend, however I can’t understand anyone in this country. I had thought I was doing good with my Spanish until I came to Chile, and all of a sudden I couldn’t understand anyone, anymore. They talk different in Chile, they talk really bad. It’s frustrating, back to square one with my language barrier.

My friend and I waited for a long time trying to hitch together. Then he talked on the phone to one of his friends, the guy was going to Calama and offered us both a ride! Perfect, glad now that I had been friendly even if I can’t speak much.

Soon I was in Calama and on my own again. I decided I needed some money, because this whole time I had only had 5$ in my wallet. I was still feeling low today and decided, screw it! You can’t buy happiness but you can buy ice cream! So I took a bit of money out of the bank and got a big lunch, used wifi and got ice cream.

After that I proceeded to get lost in the city, continued to be upset and decided to just take a bus to the coast. However, at the bus station the bus wouldn’t arrive in the city of Tocopilla until late at night. Instead, I decided to just camp now and go in the morning instead of dealing with camping after dark in an unfamiliar town.

So I walked extremely far across the city of Calama. Now that I had a plan and stopped being lost I was no longer upset. I think what makes me feel bad is being confused, not having a “plan”. I don’t care what I’m doing, I just want to know exactly what it is that I’m doing. But I (we) don’t always have that luxury in life.

There I was on the outskirts of grungy old Calama, with the powerplant and the enormous copper mine carved into the side of the mountain. The place was covered with trash, still sunbaked and ravaged by a strong wind. Need to find some shelter, but it’s a shame this place is such a dump and there’s no shelter. Eventually I found this tiny but awesome cave…

The cave was located on the side of a hill overlooking the dump. It was just the right size for me to shelter from the wind and sun. Perfect! Well not quite the best view but I’ll take it. I listened to the trash rustle in the breeze, the stray dogs barking in the distance. Camping in a dump… Well today has basically been a flop. I had a few shots of whiskey and remembered a saying from a friend: Every day above ground is a good day.

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12/16…

I had crazy dreams, my cave was actually a hostel and a garbage man charged Amy and I 11.000 Chile Pesos to stay there. We watched cable cars zip-lining over the trash from our balcony. I awoke to biting cold that morning and got packed up. I resolved to hitchhike to the coast.

Once on the strip of highway through the golden, sunburnt land, I didn’t even have to stick my thumb out and was picked up by a silly old man. He brought me 13 miles out of town by the mine which he told me was the largest copper mine in the world. From there I stood at a pulloff and had a fun morning hitchhiking there. I was happy to be outside today and felt free. I was picked up by a trucker and taken 140 kilometers to the coast through incredibly vast and beautifully colored desert scenery which reminded me of California.

At some point the highway descends dramatically to the coast, which is no less stark and lifeless than the rest of the golden desert only with the dramatically blue ocean coming right to its edge. Now in the middle of the day I was in Tocopilla, but it wasn’t too hot. A cool ocean breeze blows forever through the air.

Tocopilla is a small city with huge desolate mountains around it, black sand beaches, and classic dead palm trees of the South American west coast rustling in the breeze. I wandered the downtown eating lots of cheap food and killing time. I didn’t expect to get here so soon but here was my destination today.

Eventually I wandered out of town and setup camp on a huge rocky outcrop right on the water’s edge. It was a beautiful spot, looking down to the ocean and the whole city, but it was still the middle of the day. Also there was no shade. The constant sun expose was really starting to bother me, my face looks like it’s falling off these days. Plus the area was covered with seagull shit and feathers, it was rather dirty and I didn’t like that. Eventually I was a bit miserable yet again. I went to the water but didn’t feel like swimming. I wrote for a bit but the sun was tormenting me, I was thankful for the gorgeous breeze though. A seagull shit on me. Eventually I just went to sleep under my sheet for shade and woke up hours later when the sun was much lower… and I felt a lot better!

From now on when I’m upset I’ll just go to sleep, it’s something about the middle of the day. But my life, today and yesterday especially, is really lacking purpose. I need something to motivate me forward to continue this journey, because otherwise I seem to really not want to be here. I’d rather go find a job, go “home” wherever that is… I spent the rest of the evening watching a pack of stray dogs playing around the rocks and waves, and saw an incredible sunset. I guess some people just sit around and watch TV all day anyway…

 

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12/17

Then the next day I found purpose!

I went in the morning to hitch north on the coastal road. The climate is different here than in the desert, it’s not very cold at night. Because of that the morning is destructively hot until midday when the sea breeze kicks in and after that it’s perfect. But then I gave up hitchhiking and walked to town feeling unhappy like I didn’t want to talk to anyone, especially in Spanish, and I self-medicated with ice cream and food. I resolved to just take the damn bus, but wasn’t able to figure out how to get on one. None seemed to run to where I was going for many hours and I still had nothing to do with myself.

I sat for over an hour waiting for some mystery bus which never came. Thinking. Sitting and looking out at ramshackle Tocopilla with it’s rundown houses and blue waters, dead palm trees and vultures circling constantly overhead. I need to get out of this funk. What should I be doing, what do I want to do, I’ve got one month in South America by myself whether I like it or not. I know what I want to be doing- hiking! In the mountains in Peru. Even though it’s the rainy season. It’s time to speed up this northbound journey, I don’t care how, I’ll just take some long bus rides to get to where I need to be. But I came here to Tocopilla to hitch that coastal road so that’s exactly what I’ll do!

So I walked back across the small city, probably for the 5^th time, and stuck my thumb out. I didn’t wait long and was picked up by a young dude. He drove me north for 300 kilometers to the city of Iquique, blasting American rock and roll music the whole way. It was a perfect ride! The coast was thrilling to see, like I was on California highway 1 only with dramatic desert mountain ranges instead of green. A road I would really like to come back to someday and ride on a bicycle. There will be a time in my life to explore Chile more, but now is the time for Peru.

The city of Iquique reminds me of Miami. Whitewashed high rises by the sea, a boardwalk strip on the beach, I spent two days here with Amy so I know this town a bit. There’s a giant digital clock on the side of the mountain at night which says the time and then reads Samsung… kind of an abomination. It’s time now to spend the rest of my Chilean pesos and then hop on that bus to Peru tomorrow. So I stayed in the hostel, had my first shower in 5 days and ate pizza. Now I had a goal- go on this hike. 5 days alone in the rainy high Andes at Ausangate. Also write this blog which will certainly be a huge waste of time! It was a good night.

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The next day I got on that bus which was stuck in the desert behind an accident for four hours. I thought I would get on another bus that night but it was too late when I finally arrived in the northern Chilean city of Arica. I visited Arica with Amy too, I love this place, it’s chill like Chile here. So in the middle of the night, in Arica, I went and climbed a mountain. I had to hike across the city first, find my way to a mountain, and climb! Up to a Jesus statue where I found the most fantastic, private place to camp, overlooking the bay and all the city lights. It was a wonderful night, you go through rough moments when travelling, but then you go through moments like these as well.

It’s morning now as I write this, listening to the waves break on the rocks far below me. A haze is cast over the city, it just looks like a desert mirage. I’ll take a swim today, one last swim before I say goodbye to the coast for a while and goodbye to Chile. Then I’ll head into the mountains.